Who doesn’t want to end their day sharing hugs and smiles with someone they love, someone they feel loved by? Someone you can effortlessly fall into when you need a good crying session.
Who doesn’t want to start each morning with someone they trust, someone who trusts them – all of them? Someone who is curious not questioning. Someone who is interested not skeptical. Someone who, without condition, holds a belief in themselves and you – like tiny heart beating fluffs of newly hatched chicks – tenderly.
Who doesn’t want to experience the joy of two people who’ve blended and bended together to create a we? A we they love, a we who loves them. A we they trust, a we who trusts them. A we that’s blended and bended together to create a perfectly imperfect, beautiful, messy us.
I want these things.
And so, I am using this space to share my thoughts and experiences, my elation and heartache, my doubts and intuitions, my everything and anything that comes up for me as I mindfully move toward a we, an us. I’m throwing my insides out like clay on a relationship potter’s wheel to form and fall in whatever way it does.
Writing has always been an effective emotional processing tool for me so I’m picking up my chisel to get things down in contemporary Cuneiform. I intend to mortar and pestle my way through my insecurities, vulnerabilities, and observations as part of the process to create the relationships I want – the relationship I want with myself and the relationship I want with another person. I want these things: this love, this trust; this we, this us; the messy yummy mess of relationship.
Addendum: When I started this blog and composed what’s written above. I was still searching for a partner. Little did I know, a few months later I’d meet Kevin — my beautiful, patient and thoughtful Rennaissance man (seriously, his guitar skills are swoon-a-licious).
What I wrote above still applies in terms of the purpose of this blog, but I decided that I would focus blog content on how my depression impacts my relationship with Kevin, including what we do to help us work through the times when my symptoms circle around.
In relationships, conversations about depression absolutely need to happen – transparently and with oodles of compassion. Depression visits me (us) relatively regularly so this is something Kevin and I come up against a lot.
My wish is that what I share here about the relationship Kevin and I are nurturing together helps others to feel understood and hopeful that depression doesn’t need to drive a wedge between partners in a relationship. Depression can provide opportunities for partners to engage in deeper intimacy that strengthens and enriches relationships.
xo, O. ❤